583: What We Talk About When We Talk About the Pursuit of Gender Euphoria
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583: What We Talk About When We Talk About the Pursuit of Gender Euphoria
Transcript
I’m Ada Limón and this is The Slowdown.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always had a hard time with the phrase that appears on social media, “hashtag blessed.” There’s something almost too precious about it. I picture a perfectly curated instagram post with some gorgeous smiling person in expensive white loungewear who seems utterly perfect, and utterly unreal, and underneath the photo is the phrase “hashtag blessed.” It’s ironic really. I’m someone who loves gratitude and knows it can change your brain, and yet I can’t help but feel immediately sarcastic when someone says, “Have a blessed day.”
When I first moved to Kentucky, I found myself resisting it every chance I could get. I didn’t want to be blessed. That felt too clean, too sterile, too easy. I wanted to be human and messy and the rough-around-the-edges weirdo I have grown to love. It wasn’t even a religious thing for me. I also couldn't figure out how someone could bless me or how someone had the power to bless me. It felt like you should be ordained to bless me, or at least be wearing a robe.
For some reason, the phrase “Blessed be” never bothered me as much. I think it’s because no one was necessarily offering a reprieve, but instead acknowledging that something was already blessed, just by being in the world.
In today’s poem, we see that idea of blessedness explored in terms of gender and transitioning. I love this poem because it holds so much up to the light, turns it, and allows for everything to be seen in love. A true way of blessing.
What We Talk About When We Talk About the Pursuit of Gender Euphoria
by Levi Cain
blessed be. the body. blessed. holy ghost in ethical spandex. in glitter holding silicone as the staff. blessed. magritte’s mermaid strolling past in birkenstocks and into the hot hands of a fisherwoman, that which is our lady of transition. blessed. laurels made of nylon and cotton and five milliliters of. thank you for asking. it’s old. it didn’t cost that much, considering. fifteen pounds of flesh and rowan says california is nice this time of year, besides which it’s cheaper. blessed. the press of cheekbone to mirror to open palm. lavender and brandy under your tongue for an entire weekend. blessed. joy as a watermelon seed i keep swallowing on purpose. as a scripture. as a millstone, gifted from camila’s neck, now used to broaden my shoulders. blessed. inheritance being my father’s curling beard now on my own jaw. blessed. inheritance being hips wide as the atlantic. blessed. inheritance being whatever the fuck i want it to be. blessed. my body not a temple but a disco spinning itself into the ground. blessed. the blaze a shower of sequins. blessed. my body rising from the ashes. blessed. thank god i survived enough to be someone who could bring you flowers—miracle.
"What We Talk About When We Talk About the Pursuit of Gender Euphoria" by Levi Cain. Used by permission of the poet.